"T & D + 3": Now I Understand

You know the saying, "I love you so much it hurts"? I've heard it in love songs, read it in poetry, seen it in chick flicks, and thought I understood what it meant. When I fell in love with Dave, and knew there was no one else on earth I'd rather be with, I thought I understood what it meant. When I found out I was pregnant, and felt more joy and terror than I ever thought possible, I thought I understood what it meant. But honestly, I had no idea. Once I looked into their innocent eyes, and realized the unconditional love a parent has for a child, I understood. Once I had to feel the pain of being away from them, but realize how lucky I am to be able to return, I understood. Once I heard about other parents suffering the incomprehensible loss of a child, and can't imagine how they get out of bed each day, I understood. Once I was able to literally feel my heart breaking when I imagine any harm coming to them, of not being able to protect them, of finally being able to say I would give my life for someone, I understood. I love my children. That goes without saying. But lately I wonder if that pain that comes with loving them so much, that primal fear of being unable to protect them from all the ugliness in this world...will it ever go away? And honestly, do I want it to?

On a lighter note...

We had a birthday celebration for Daddy and Aunt Amy this past weekend. The ladies went to a baby shower for our friend Becca, so the babies were left in the capable hands of daddy, Uncle Tim, and Grampa Moran.